I'm up to something again I guess 

His eyes look like he may or may not be able to shoot beams out of them - I'm all for it 

(anyone remembers that old meme about firing a lazer? I think our Snape here does!  But I guess the old meme shot beams out of its mouth instead )

Oh, yes, it's a Snape illustration AGAIN  

So, this happened because while I was sketching away at work (I'm back at the water amusement park for a few days a week, I might vent a bit of pent up frustration that has accumulated since ) and this sort of turned out to be a weird yet somewhat interesting concept:

Lately I have been working with Fire Alpaca instead (no actual reason, just so happened to be the case lately), and have made a few improvements when it comes to illustrating faces, too. I know the above sketch would have you believe otherwise, but pinky-promise it's all true and you'll see! One day. I guess. 

So far I always ended up drawing a very animoo-ish face which would be perfectly fine, the problem is that it was hardly ever my intention! Especially when it comes to illustrating Snape. Snape and ugu ugu kawaii desu just doesn't mix well imho, but who knows.

So, I hope to be able to paint a little bit closer to realism in the future. Although never a 100% realism - I'm afraid not only that would be a completely impossible goal, but even if theoratically I succeed than still I would deviate from it for emotional effect, no? But trying to get closer to realism makes my works look a bit better, so I'll keep at this habit. 

This time the weird pose is deliberate, by the way! I made this sketch after practicing hand positions, and I figured I'll undertake a very quick (because I was at work) lighthearted challenge and try to make a figure's hands appear in somewhat of an intricate position. I settled with one hand close to the observer and the other closer to the subject. While I'm not absolutely loving the end result, it was fine for something so quick and spontageous. And now I opened it back up and decided to work on it digitally a little ~ 

I included the colour palette too, just in case anyone takes a liking to it, but now on a hinfdsight... It's such a dull colour scheme why would anyone want it? What was I thinking? 

I'll check back sometime very soon, but let me just awkwardly cut this post short because I am about to fall asleep on my keyboard here    

(((NEW LADYTRON IS OUT!!!)))

I also had a go at Inktober today (only 8 days late uhhh). Don't think big, these are tiny, deliberately rushed drawings but at least I feel included in something fun 

I was so anxious and angry these last few days that I might have never been when it comes to anything relating to work. How about taking on a woman's worst part of her job for no pay at all because she asked nicely? How about all of this is settled just between her and your boss, you clearly having no say in whether you will actually do this favour or not? Not just for one day: throughout the entire winter, every day! How about making literally half of this woman's pay yet getting no compensiations for anything you've ever done for these two shits?

So yeah, my head could actually explode. People around you love to consider you less of a human with no dignity or desire if you're relatively poor, and very poor compared to them. 

Oh and how about getting 14 days off the entire year? Yeaaaaah.. On a less heated but still just as dark subject matter, I've been constantly thinking about death. 

I know we all deal with the inevitable prospect of our eventual demise, but I've been thinking through my life, and I have this faint memory of my childhood 

when I had this unshakeable, gloomy feeling of utter uncanny that overshadowed me and everything else around me. I've come from a dark, empty space, I just got out of there for a little while but I'm bound to get back eventually - this is how I felt as a little child. Now I wonder could it be that that's the actual truth?

All of this was basically triggered by an article online I've stumbled upon: in it a man describes actually being dead (he genuially flatlined) as a long nap where you feel like time passes much slower than usual. No consiousness, no anything. Blank. Makes not only life meaningless but also it makes everyone and all of our effort meaningless. If you really think about it, does this mean that he actually stopped existing for a few minutes then came back to existing a little more?

How come the same person came back?

Does that mean that he didn't actually stop existing simply lost his self awareness? Because, when you die shouldn't you really stop being you for forever with no chance of reviving the same person that died?

Or is it really just all our brains, and granted it remains intact storing the same memories as before death when the body revives the same personaility is to be found attached to the same body? Is the body the personality as well? Am I really just my brain? Are we really just our bodies? I don't want us to be just our bodies but it seems to be the only logical explanation. It's the only thing that could properly explain this gentleman's experience.

With this, it is also questionable whether dying at a youg age is really so tragic or not. For an eternity you didn't exist - then you existed for a riny little while - and you stop existing for forever, for eternity. With proportions so extreme, does 4 years or 400 years even makes sense? In contrast to that infinity we would be still laughable if we could live for a century even. And it's all for null: once you're dead everything is deleted. You are really a blank painting that 

should have never been painted as the canvas will be burned after your time is up, so what was the point to paint you? Why do we even live? So that we can 

spend this time knowing soon we will be deleted? To be given just enough time to comprehend what it means "not to be"?

I don't blame anyone who believes in God, Heaven and Hell or Reincarnation: the truth seems to be unbearably insulting and cruel. So what if some people believe  in the magic man in the sky or endless lives? At the end of the day we will all face the same, unbelievably harsh and cold reality. Isn't it better if at least some of us go into it all naively thinking the demise of their bodies won't mean it's the end of their minds/souls/spirits/conciousness?

So, yeah, this is the sort of weak mental gymnastics crap I'm torturing myself when cycling back home after a long, ungrateful day surrounded by long-faced, ungrateful people.

Camouflage - How do you feel?

(Relocated, 2006)

How do you feel
My old friend
Touching the Universe?

What do you see
When you travel
Back on floating steel?

How do you feel
My old friend
Lost in the atmosphere?

What does it mean
To be seen
As just a silver stream?

So, I've been active lately in terms of practicing and drawing, altough most of it is trash, of course. Regardless, I sort of want to leave a mark on here that I was actually trying to get better at drawing, so here are a few things I've done ~

The pics were made using my lame, dying phone, so sorry about the potato quality. Evereything gets bigger when clicked ~

So, my usual doodles while listening to Scare Theater lol

In which one can learn that I was cold when drawing, and I find the word "screech" creepy (I wasn't planning on uploading this page originally lol). I now just realize there is some portion of the page that still didn't make it into the pictures

One of those doodles made it into my very first ever sketchbook, and is currently horrible and I want to tear that page out, but first, my very first finished page in mentioned sketchbook (which is this tiny, pocket sized, low quality thingy we got for free when purchasing Túró Rudi lol)

Is good old Dylan Klebold (I am NOT a columbiner).

I thought I want to make a mark of this era of my life when I am interested and actively reading about the massacre. Highlight of the day is that HORRID GREEN FINGERPRINT I accidentally left on it... So, the background is just a bunch of gibberish lyrics from pumped up kicks and Vast's Beautiful (as I listen to those two a lot - I don't relate "Beautiful" to Dylan, but to my own era). I used a fountain pen to achieve that transition thing, by changing the ink in it, altough it doesn't show up on this poor quality picture, but from top to bottom it changes from blue to green. Funny thing is, I have no idea how the green ink ended up on my left ringfinger: I double checked it when I was making the background to avoid smugdes. It's a mystery...

And the random eric on a cloud for no reason at all (no, I don't think he's an angel if anything lol)

it's so bad I wanna tear it out lol

But hey, look, here's a good song:

Echo Image: Need to be Proud

Falling like grey leaves do
She felt the walls tumbling over her soul
Tonight
She has no words to say
She felt the presence of another black day
Tonight

Need to be proud of what you are
But you're flying by
Hope you won't try those things again
But your words are flying high

Trying to figure out
Why things went wrong
Why she has nothing left
To do
She wants to see the light
But shadows drags her
To another black place
Somehow

As I struggle to transcribe my endless hand-written ramblings onto here (and not publishing them, because what's that even for), let me share a new favourite:

When I heard it for first I didn't pay much attention at all, but it grew on me fast.

So, this one is to all of you contemplating ending it all. Beautiful, as in a person overall, not (just) plain physical beauty.

And, while the lyrics might seem to be one-dimensional and repetetive, there is truly little one can say (or, that is worth to voice) to someone strruggling with thoughts of suicide. The message is simple. Do stay with us. That everything that you are, that is beautiful. To me, and to everyone else too, whether you can see it or not.

Vast - Beautiful

Stay with us my darling
Tomorrow is a brighter day
Stay with us my darling
There are so many things to love

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to everyone

Heaven is a place I cannot see
When I'm beside you it's so close to me
These are the reasons you should stay
There is so much that you can give

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to everyone
There are so many things to see
You are so beautiful to me

You're a diamond I can't buy
You're a sin I can forgive
And when you sink into the dark
Know that I am there with you

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to everyone
There are so many things to see
You are so beautiful to me

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to everyone
There are so many things to see
You are so beautiful to me

Now, as I'm going through my last.fm account (man, I would have never thought this will be this useful years later) now I am redownloading old favourites. Here shall stand Buck Tick, this is one of my favourites from like 10 years ago lol

I chose a very high quality live performance, as this one has subs with it. This melody ~ Oh good old Buck Tick, you caught me with Limbo, you made me stick around with Coyote.