So, I've already failed to showcase my hideous new "artwork" before, but I thought it would be nice to check in once in a million years, and give a quick update.

As already stated I tried to upload a few traditional abominations I've made while mum was back home (I have to give back her TV to her that I use as the monitor ). I have recently purchased watercolour pencils so I was trolling around with that, but don't worry nothing worth mentioning came out of that (aside from the fact that they were disgustingly expensive for a set of pencils).

 

So, basically I failed to upload them because I only snapped a pic of a few that were kinda-sorta-maybe not a 100% cringe fuel to share, but my phone took pictures in some enormous sizes and the file uploader on here basically freaked out and told me I don't have the space for that big of a file dump. 

For the most part, however, I've been F I N A L L Y  taking practicing  anatomy ((((HANDS)))) seriously, so all I really have right now are a bunch of sketches both digitally and traditionally 

(an abandoned Sev project. I'd guess his hand cramped the hell ip. No wonder he looks so bemused)

Now I make sure to work in a few extra hours during work too. So, this very latest lame sketch is really just a testament of how these few last weeks have passed: it's a Sev at first glance, but really it's just a lousy excuse to get in yet another hand drawing and some head anatomy practice. Yes, they both suck, but hey: this is still ten times better than what I could do so far! All I do lately is disembodied hands. Unfortunately this Sev isn't much luckier than the one above him - he somehow grew a lump under his thumb... 

 

On his right those are just little notes to myself about what I was trying to go for - I would like to really stop working with all the "happy little accidents", and have a plan what I want to put on paper/screen. So far I've drawn with only a vague idea and if I accidentally got something right I would incorporate it into the final piece, but I realise I need to be able to draw in a more focused mannber with clear goals.

(... a few hours later ...)

I have no idea what's going on with that fabric either lmao 

Will pop in again soon, probably with these same low quality updates ~

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So, I have finished scanning the remaining pictures I made for inktober, and maybe it's just me, but they look even worse than real life lol

There was a huge problem with the colours, however, as they are sorta washed out on every scan. I attempted to restore them in Gimp to the best of my ability. I basically held the sketchbook in my hand, and tried to adjust the scan accordingly in Gimp, even if that meant the drawing won't look as good anymore 

19.) Clouds

This is actually a mixed media attempt, because the solution to sucking at the most basic, simplest medium is to add another! Clearly. So, this is watercolour + pencils. And a lot's of clouds. And two weird planet, where one of them has two, miniature, difficult-to-spot moons. Why do I keep drawing clouds when I suck at it?!

Also, in pic 18. I changed my markers to black pen for outlining instead (inktober peeps said that still counts) because I simply started to run out  Also, easier to manage.

20.) original prompt "deep"

I told you I listened to that one track, "Life In Mono" one too many times! It's, uh, a theatre with a large pit. Because the road to master craftery is really to just give it up all.

21.) Irreconcilable differences

Much clouds. Such rejection. The very shotgun. No meme is too old! 

22.) original prompt "trail"

Man, this turned out so bad. So, big crack in the ground. Very deeeeep. But something humanoid actually clawed all the way up. Handprint. Deep indents on the ground. Was probably raining when it all happened which just makes it all the more impossible of a feat to climb something that high up.

23.) Best fiends

I like how the legs turned out. Nothing else much, really. Crow/raven, associating with a scarecrow. Blasphemy. 

24.) Blind

You shallow, you shit.

25.) who's responsible?

I read way too much Fuan no tane and everything else from the same author, and so should you!

26.) The soldier's son

Oh it's this dimwit again.

I thought the effect with the background also being the indication for rain would work, but here's evidence it was never meant to be. Also them fab hands are everything right now. kappa

27.) Twisted neighbour

Too much fuan no tane inspiration.

28.) All that glitters is brown

I mean, screw gold. This picture is actually the most distorted - for example the boy in the front is wearing a bright, yellowish green shirt... A completely different colour has replaced it. Not like it would make or break the pic (because since I drew it it's trash by default) but I mean, that's extremely off.

29.) When I'm falling, I'm falling upwards

This has it's own, uninteresting story. Lame pic, too, so let's let it die.

30.) The pretty girl in class

I always hated the "queen bees" in school, in fact, I still do. Also slight fuan no tane inspiration again. Boy on the right wears a sweater sort of thing with that same spring green, and just like with the previous pic, the scanner decided a blue-ish green just more fitting. Well, I mean at least my scanner has some creativity in it, if I don't. 

31. A forest of bones

Badly drawn bones at that. Also, the pen goofed when I was outlining her eyes, so, uh...

It's done!

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I am still doing inktober (I am a little behind because of work, but getting back on schedule soon).

And my newest crap is just as cringe worthy as their precedessors! ​

My phone still can't pick up fine details and washes colours into each other, so they look even more ghastly than in real life (I didn't think that was possible tbh!)

Also, my lamp is kind of obnoxiously distorts the pics even further. So, there is that, but even if these would be my usual scans, they would still look B-A-D, because, well, they are 

13.)

The moment I got back home from work I realised it's Friday the 13th, so I wanted to make something related to that, but instead THIS thing happened:

I am still recovering from the shock how bad it turned out. I mean, even compared to my low expectations towards myself. Seriously, look at it. LOOK. AT. IT. Oh, gosh.

14.)

Well then, let's have a Nightmare before Christmas inspired thing instead, that one can't go wrong, right? Wrong.

 

15.) His "bliss"

I mean, at least no one would argue this ogre of a boy isn't something out of a nightmare, right? The concept is... well, I am actually ridiculing someone with it. Someone very delusional at that.

Also, HANDS. 

16.)

Girl, spiders, third eye, I don't even know, I was bored out of my sane mind as always.

 

17.) Smile :)

I intended the girl behind him to be a gnome sort of thing, that's why she's so small, but then I changed my mind (for the worse, naturally). Also, since the paper warps a little, now he has boobies 

As for those crease lines above his eyebrows... No, I don't have a single excuse for them.

 

18. Candlelight vigil

This is a picture of a picture of a boy, who is completely fictional, just like every subject of my inktober abominations. This is his candlelight vigil, the only one that fits him. I reckon he'd find it most appropriate, actually.  

I am actually listening to "Life in Mono" right now, which sort of gave this last entry some seriously depressing edge I am not ready to handle. Not my burden, come on!

 

Soon to be back with even worse and pathetic "art"work!
(Doesn't that sound like a threat now? ) 

Hey, if we are already at Life in Mono...

Mono - Life in Mono

 

The stranger sang a theme,
From someone else's dream
The leaves began to fall
And no one spoke at all
But I can't seem to recall
When you came along

Ingenieux,
Ingenieux,
I just don't know what to do

The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can't seem to forget
When you came along

Ingenieux,
Ingenieux,
I just don't know what to do

Ingenieux, I just don't know what to do
Ingenieux, I just don't know what to do
Ingenieux, I just don't know what to do
Ingenieux, I just don't know what to do
Ingenieux, I just don't know what to do

Mit szólsz hozzá?

Not "fail" as in "I failed the challenge", in fact, unfortunately to the every-man's understanding of basic decency and taste, I am in fact up to date. Insult to injury, not only did I successfully produce so far twelve (cheating-tier tiny) pages of abominations, (commonly referred to as "art" on this page, but never let yourself be fooled) they suck even more than my usual stuff, and that's saying something, if I say so myself.

So, prepare for the worst. Brace yourself (although let's be honest: some forms of trauma can't be avoided even by the most careful and prepared either) for "art" done in ten entire minutes, prepare for a galore of mistakes even the "artist" knew and understood as they committed them and didn't give a damn, really just... prepare. Because it's going doooown fast.

On a more serious note, I suffer from the most widespread disease artists usually suffer from and struggle to keep at bay. It's the one and only setback you hear about every day from any artist of any medium and that is the one and only 

perfectionism.

(the crowd lets out a loud gasp!, a few children start to cry in the back rows, some people flat out leave in protest upon hearing the dreaded word)

(if you guessed "drawing hands" you still kinda get a point tho)

No, but seriously: it's a real thing. As of late, it dawned on me just how much it has really crippled me: it prevented me from creating pretty much anything at all. When a singular piece takes you months to finish, you know you have a problem.

So, with Inktober as an opportunity, I decided that I will make deliberately rushed drawings that I genuinely hate, and force myself to treat them as if they would be perfect; in fact, I'll ink and colour them too, as if! While my main medium is digital, I understand most of you snobby brats frown upon anything non-traditional during Inktober, so I did pencil + marker drawings. So, that is that.

This is really what this challenge is about for me this year (as I plan to participate again next year as well).

I need to get over my obsession over mistakes and the unshakeable and compelling need to start studying up entirely new things to draw from scratch; in fact I just need to get over myself, so my art can actually advance and I can actually finish pieces and go back to studying anatomy, perspective and so on. Like any normal person does. I need to start to learn to let go, and I need to learn how to just finish something. It's high time I do that.

I'm not even exaggerating when I say I let entire years worth of creation and practice flew me by because of my unhealthy fixation on mistakes and starting all over again because "it's ruined and hopeless, I need to tart this anew".

So, Finishtober presents:

(All pics are washed out and lost 99% of their colour vibrancy because my phone decided today was just the right day to be a jerk)

Day 1 (The first three drawings were all created on the 8th, as I was a bit late to the party):

Mr Pumpkin is unaware that Mr Spidey is creeping up behind him to eventually land on his back and give him a good ol' Halloween scare. I guess.

Day 2 (technically still day 1)

If you look close enough, you might notice that there is an entire disgusting self insert attached to those two atrocious hands. I know, it's difficult to spot considering... And hey, on the bright side, there is also a snitch!

Day 3 (still the 8th and day 1 actually, no one cares, I know)

Judge me as you might, I sorta kinda lowkey like it..

Day 4 (it's the 9th now, yay)

This has got to be the single, worst drawing I ever created, ever. Worse than whatever I was scribbling as a toddler with my non-dominant hand with a piece of chalk or anything. This. Takes. The. Cake. Would I ever make something even wortse, you guys should show some mercy and kill me, so I can't sink any lower. 

Day 5 (still the 9th)

I mean, at least I practiced hands, right? 

Day 6 (9th)

Hand practice intensifeyed. Eye see nothing else worth pointing eyet.

Day 7. (9th still, for "shy" prompt)

Somewhat inspired by Casper, but the ghost miraculously inherited the magnificent jawline of John Lennon through the mortal device of my unsteady hand that accidentally over drew that line by a huuuge margin... It was meant to be, I'm just too basic to comprehend the will of pure fate. Also, Omen can't draw baseball hats. Or hands, for that matter, but that's not news 

Day 8 (9th for "crooked" prompt)

To ease up after all this emotional roller coaster of having to look at my worst drawings ever, I decided to get back into my comfort zone for a minute and draw something I am confident in. Then, with an overwhelming feeling of sheer terror, I realised I have no such thing, so I just drew Snape instead. I tried some pretentious arty-fartsy bullshit colour game too: in Harry Potter the green+purple colour combo is a sign of magic (wizards would wear this combo in muggle areas to signal to other wizards their presence without much drama), where green means evil and purple means good magic. And also how daddeh Snape is such a dual character so it fits. I guess. Also, his nose is crooked. He was a little bit crooked too. Ehhhh. 

Day 9 (the 10th, "screech" prompt)

This sad creature is actually a screech owl. It is named as such, because since I drew the poor things, the world hasn't been the same. I apologise Mr owl.

Day 10 (in which I finally catch up to everyone else, hey guys ho-- where did everybody go?) ("gigantic" prompt)

Just because I'm still over the moon that I got a badge on dA for drawing this dusty old meme that I only learned about 178667 years late. Whatever. Biting pear of salamanca.

Day 11. 

With such a heavy load of disgusting self-pity you'd think I regressed back to being my old emo teenage self. Truth is, you'd be right thinking that.

Day 12. (todaaaaaaaaaay)

I SWEAR this looked sorta normal as a sketch.

...

But then I went ahead with everything else.

 

 

So, that's it so far! After you're back from your psychologist appointment you had to urgently attend to after looking at these and developing PTSD in an instant, I actually recommend you give a try to this challenge! It can be therapeutic. Or helpful. Or it can make you feel accomplished. Or for practice. I don't know! 

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So, I've been active lately in terms of practicing and drawing, altough most of it is trash, of course. Regardless, I sort of want to leave a mark on here that I was actually trying to get better at drawing, so here are a few things I've done ~

The pics were made using my lame, dying phone, so sorry about the potato quality. Evereything gets bigger when clicked ~

So, my usual doodles while listening to Scare Theater lol

In which one can learn that I was cold when drawing, and I find the word "screech" creepy (I wasn't planning on uploading this page originally lol). I now just realize there is some portion of the page that still didn't make it into the pictures

One of those doodles made it into my very first ever sketchbook, and is currently horrible and I want to tear that page out, but first, my very first finished page in mentioned sketchbook (which is this tiny, pocket sized, low quality thingy we got for free when purchasing Túró Rudi lol)

Is good old Dylan Klebold (I am NOT a columbiner).

I thought I want to make a mark of this era of my life when I am interested and actively reading about the massacre. Highlight of the day is that HORRID GREEN FINGERPRINT I accidentally left on it... So, the background is just a bunch of gibberish lyrics from pumped up kicks and Vast's Beautiful (as I listen to those two a lot - I don't relate "Beautiful" to Dylan, but to my own era). I used a fountain pen to achieve that transition thing, by changing the ink in it, altough it doesn't show up on this poor quality picture, but from top to bottom it changes from blue to green. Funny thing is, I have no idea how the green ink ended up on my left ringfinger: I double checked it when I was making the background to avoid smugdes. It's a mystery...

And the random eric on a cloud for no reason at all (no, I don't think he's an angel if anything lol)

it's so bad I wanna tear it out lol

But hey, look, here's a good song:

 

Echo Image: Need to be Proud

Falling like grey leaves do
She felt the walls tumbling over her soul
Tonight
She has no words to say
She felt the presence of another black day
Tonight

Need to be proud of what you are
But you're flying by
Hope you won't try those things again
But your words are flying high

Trying to figure out
Why things went wrong
Why she has nothing left
To do
She wants to see the light
But shadows drags her
To another black place
Somehow

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